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Meeting People Online : Is It Safe? : Part 2

Leslie Karen Lobell, M.A.

Initial Meetings Online: 

Once you have created a profile, the excitement truly begins. It is time to start meeting new people. You can chat online, exchange mail, and more. As you begin to meet people while you are online, again, be cautious about giving out too much personal information, such as your last name, your phone number at home or at work, or the neighborhood in which you live. Make sure you have gotten to know someone well - that you have talked to him or her long enough, and enough times, to feel it is safe - before you give out any such information. You may not want to give out this information until after you have met the person, face-to-face, on one or more occasions. Don't let anyone pressure you into giving out information before you feel ready to do so. Use your gut instinct and your intuition. If you feel unsure about whether or not you trust someone, err on the side of being cautious. Remember, you can control how much a person knows about you. 

Moving From Online 

To The Telephone Line: 

Once you have gotten to know someone through online chats or email, if you are interested in getting to know that person better, you will want to move from communicating via the Internet to speaking on the phone. Perhaps you are ready to talk on the phone, but you are still not sure you should be giving out your number: There are some things you can do. You may want to ask the other person to give you his/her number, rather than giving out your own. "Ahh!..." but you say, "What about Caller ID?" Well, there are some ways to deal with this, as well. If you call from home, make sure to block Caller ID for your outgoing call (look in your local phone book to learn how to do this). If you are concerned about caller ID, you may want to call from a pay phone or public place. Also, if you have a cell phone, most, if not all, models have an option to block Caller ID. I would strongly suggest that you do not call from work or give out your work number until you know a person well, and feel sure that this person is safe. 

Meeting Face To Face: 

If you are serious about finding someone for dating or romance, there is a general progression that most people follow in getting to know someone they have met on the Internet: First they chat online and/or exchange emails, then they speak on the phone, then they meet in person. I would suggest that you have several conversations by email or chat, and at least one long conversation (preferably more than one) by phone, to get to know someone, before deciding to meet in person. Again, trust your intuition and your gut instinct. Okay, so suppose that you have met someone online, you have communicated by email and/or chats, then spoken on the phone, and you feel ready to meet this person face to face. What next? 

Choose a public place to meet, such as a restaurant, café, or coffee shop. In terms of safety, a daytime date is preferable for the first date. In any case, choose a time when you know that there will be other people around. Do not have this person pick you up at your house -- and do not offer to pick this person up -- for the first date. Have your own means of transportation, so that if you feel uncomfortable, if you decide "This is not 'The One,'" or if you just start to feel tired, you have the option to leave whenever you wish to do so. 

To avoid any possible misunderstandings, you may want to discuss, before the date, whether one person is "treating" or whether you plan to "go Dutch." Whatever the plan, it is always a good idea to have some extra cash on hand, just in case you may need it. 

Don't Forget To Enjoy The Process 

I have given you an extensive list of safety tips. You may choose to utilize all of them, a few of them, or none of them. Whatever you choose, remember to trust your instinct, use your own common sense, and do what feels right for you. Most importantly, don't forget to have fun. Meeting people online should be a process that you find interesting and enjoyable. Take action to minimize any possible risks, but remember that most people you will meet are friendly and harmless. So go ahead. Make some new friends. Who knows, you may be one of the lucky ones who find true love in Cyberspace. 

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